Wife Came Out & Wants To Transition To Male But Wont Consider Divorce Cos We… Relationship Advice

We’ve been together 12 years, married 3 and a half. Last year during lockdown, she told me she thinks she should have been born male and thinks she’s trans.


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33 thoughts on “Wife Came Out & Wants To Transition To Male But Wont Consider Divorce Cos We… Relationship Advice

  1. Story 1:
    My (37M) wife (37F) has decided she's going to transition to be male and is trying to convince me to stay?
    Story 2: 5:33
    I (26 M) recently found out that my Fiance (28 F) has hid her massive debt from me for our entire relationship. I'm thinking of calling off everything and leaving but everyone around me says i'm overreacting.
    Story 3: 10:48
    My(m26) girlfriend (f24) is demanding unnecessary things after she going a sub that gives advice about female dating
    Story 4: 14:55
    My (26M) fiancée (26F) resents me for making more

  2. Story 1:
    It has by now been accepted that sexuality is predetermined, so there is no "changing it". You're not attrackted to someone with a dick, even if it was once a pussy, you simply are not atracted. that's it. otherwise she's ok wiht the pray the gay away camps if it's a choice after all what one wants to fuck.
    Story 2:
    defenitely not overreacting, leave her now! For one, this much debt without any security is just dumb to accumulate and such people are unlikely to change. secondly, once you're married, you may just as much be responsible for her debt as she is, so you're on the hook now as well. and guess what happens once you've paid of her fuck ups? she's likely to leave, half of all marriages fail, mostly ended by the women, so this is just simply too much of a risk. you can, hwoever, stay in a relationship and try to find ways together with her on how to better her situation. things like an aggreed upon monthly allowance, she staying in her own place (with no keys to your place just for security) and every cent above that baseline immediately spent on reducing her debts (she has to show you proof about this). it may sound hard, but it's an effective way to either help her or find her unable to better herself and then knowing that you can start searching for someone better.
    Story 3:
    leave her, she's just using you for your money as it sounds. the "not doing anything correctly or immediately pampering to her every whim" will only get worse and is a manipulation technique (my ex did the same), don't be fooled, move on to someone better (being alone is generally already much better than being with someone manipulative). both also don't sound too compatible as people in their ideas and views.
    Story 4:
    success does not come from experience or education, but there's a lot of luck involved. being in the right place at the right time with the right idea, that kinda thing, as well as knowing a couple of people in higher positions or at least having some way of informally connecting with them. the fact she's not happy with her partner finding this success is an indicator she's more focused on herself than the relationship. she either needs to get over it (with or without your help or presence in counseling), or you leave her.

  3. Story 3. The comments seem littered with walking red flags.

    Story 4. His money is going to be her money. And he's comfortable with that. She has to work through some personal stuff, because she has hit the bloody jackpot

  4. The first story is so interesting to me. My little brother is trans and came out like two and a half years ago now, but his coming out wasn’t a big surprise to me. When we were kids, he’d always roleplay as his male characters. He had cut his hair short a few years ago and at the beginning of the previous school year, he asked me to help think of gender neutral names he could go by at school because he was uncomfortable with his deadname. So while I had already been privately referring to him with they/them pronouns for months, his coming out was a huge shock to everyone else in the family
    Anyway, I do hope both op and his husband are able to find happiness

  5. The 2nd story the girlfriend was waiting to tell OP about the debt after they married, so he would be on the hook to pay it as well , RUN OP RUN LIKE THE WIND and if anyone says different, tell them to pay 110,000 of for you and you will stick around .

  6. The reason OP number 4's fiancée is having a problem with his success is so clear I don't get why no one else seems to see it. The fiancée is having superiority/ ego issues . This is pretty much the same type of issues some guys have when being out earned or out classed in any fashion by their women. When they got together he was basically a loser and she was in a top collage so she could feel a bit smugly superior that she had it together while he didn't which was a ego trip for her . This is likely even why she was with him because she thought he could never out shine her. She only demanded he step up because she being miss superior couldn't be seen having a relationship with a loser . He was only supposed to step up enough to look respectable enough for her not to be embarrassed by him though and was never supposed to be able to out do her. She could always feel superior about having gone to a top collage but his having achieved more without a fancy collage education in a shorter time span and likely will continue on that path makes her collage bragging rights null and void . She's not superior to him anymore which is why she is so upset and resentful.

  7. 1: Story the thought of sleeping with his partner always repulsed him since that body hasn't changed and he's repulsed by it for changing how he dressed. He won't even bother with trying to use the correct pronoun since it was brought up he declared the trans status a while back. He's been repulsed by just changing how he dressed and stopped intercourse while that was the only change taken, so it isn't the gender of the partner that is the issue, it's the trans label.

    2: Her financial situation was never a problem when he was giving her money to pay for it, and only cared when he found out how much. In fact he was okay with her being broke all the time. Sure it's a horrible position to be in, but what about his life has he not told her? He hasn't sat down and told her everything he has ever done either. She expected him to get rid of her if he knew, and she wasn't wrong. For those trying to call it an addiction, it could be she got way in over her head before she learned to handle money.

    3: She does his chores and his and then he whines he does more. He doesn't want to take her out or anything just what he does daily. She always pays for dates because it's the only way she gets to go out.

    4: She doesn't feel undervalued by work. She's jealous because she found out college isn't the shining star of success she placed it. Skills and technical ability is far more powerful. She is seeing flaws in her fantasy world that she isn't sure how to cope with. He didn't seem to grow up with college is the road to everything of value, and she demanded he go or she'd leave because he wouldn't be good enough.

  8. First story, yeah definitely leave because this is clearly not going to work… but can people stop misgendering his stbx? He is his husband not wife and his pronouns are he/him. Just because we don't agree with how he is handling his relationship during his early transition doesn't mean we can't show the bare minimum of respect.

  9. First Story:

    I've noticed that this seem to be a bit of a trend. People finding out they're either gay or trans in the middle of a relationship that was based on everything before that. Trying to keep their current partner in some shape or form, while having relationships with others.

    An alternative form of an open marriage, I guess?

  10. Honestly, for the first story, it’s an argument I really don’t understand. To be called transphobic for not wanting to continue a relationship with someone who changes their gender. OK, I respect your decision. Unfortunately, I feel no attraction towards the same gender so I think it’s time to part ways. To be told that I then have to respect that person’s feelings and their decision whilst staying with them is ridiculous. Why can’t my feelings be respected as well? If I feel no sexual attraction, then obviously I’m not going to continue a relationship even if I really loved the person. I think sexual compatibility is important and I would feel unfulfilled in a sexless relationship. That being said, I’d imagine that the other person had a sexual drive similar to mine and so they will also have needs. Am I expected to wait, pause my entire life whilst they learn to manage their new gender until they’re finally ready to begin living confidently?

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